Well - its just occured to me that I've been on this site for 4 years. In 4 years I've posted 28 things, which is 7 a year. I'm amazed that its as many as that to be honest.

I've written and thought a lot about what I want to achieve and how being ill has got in the way of that - and it has, there's no denying that I've been a bit zombiefied the past few years so artistic endevours have been thrown to the wayside. But now I've decided to try and change that. I can't catch up to where I should be if I hadn't been ill and been able to keep developing, so I'm just going to start again.

I bought myself a new sketchbook and I've started on the basics. Basics that I've done before but that hopefully this time will develop onto the bigger and better things that I want to be able to post here. I'm starting over and this time I'll keep going. I'm determined enough, that's for sure.

Then maybe I'll finally be able to tell you the stories I've been wanting to say .

(And to celebrate that fact I blank posted this journal - sorry about that)

I'm back. Sorry for delays on comments and stuff. I'm wonderfully sick at the moment so everything is revolving around that. Its really quite tedious.

Oh well - I shall write a real journal when I have something exciting to write about.

comands it!

Leave a comment and I will:

a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
g) In return, please post this in your journal.

In other news uni is done, I've moved to London, working for the BBC and loding with a family near by - s'all change for me o_O

Also - I might be slow, but Supernatural is the best show ever.

Maybe one day I'll update this properly

Wow - Final year has really taken its toll hasn't it? I finally waded my way back into my account and caught up with deviations and such. Oh well... come May I'm DONE and then hopefully I shall have time to do some work I can actually submit here? How's that for a novelty.

As for university work, I'm looking into using music to drive the narrative in an animation. I'm loving it, even if I'm stressed out of my tiny mind but oh well.

I'll stop writing now, but soon - soooon there shall be content here >_<;;;

Has anyone here ever had the problem of illness or a disorder getting in the way of their art? I've been really rather seriously ill with depression over the past few years, hence there being very little to show on this site despite my being in my final year of an art course. I'm now in a bit of an odd position... Over the past few years, although there has been some improvement of my technical skill, its no where near the improvement I should have made. This in itself is not much of an issue - I just need to DRAW MOAR and get better right? I know this...

The problem is for the past three or so years I've been a bit of a walking zombie on the outside, but on the inside my artistic ideas have been developing away as you would expect. This has lead me to the point where I have ideas that I have absolutely no way of actually expressing. I mean - I'm aware the solution is still the same, I just have to keep practicing until my technical ability catches up with my brain (that runs at crazy speeds anyway due to my ADD), but man its so frustrating!

Going back to my original question - I was just wondering if anyone else has had that problem, and how they dealt with it?

This all being said, I did try to get back into the swing of being creative last night. I reinstalled Photoshop, whacked on "For You" by Wolfsheim, (which by the way, is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard) and tried to draw some of the emotion that song pulls out of me. I couldn't finish the piece - it just isn't complete and I'm not sure how to finish it - but I might stash it in scraps. We shall see.

I adore that song - its beautiful, but its a little too like how I'm feeling right now. I've been angry at someone for a long time now, someone I didn't want to be angry at - I wanted to forgive them completely and I've been trying as hard as I could to manage it. And then yesterday? Something clicked and all the anger vanished - I'm sad that it ever happened but... that's it.

The only problem is, that's it. All the anger is gone, but so is all the fondness, all the love... its all been replaced with regret at what happened. Now what I'm worried about is whether this is part of the process of forgiveness or has the damage been done? Will the happy feelings come back again or have I lost something that was so dear to me?

Oh well - I feel I have rambled on enough here. I hope you'll excuse my random musings

-Nomi