Has anyone here ever had the problem of illness or a disorder getting in the way of their art? I've been really rather seriously ill with depression over the past few years, hence there being very little to show on this site despite my being in my final year of an art course. I'm now in a bit of an odd position... Over the past few years, although there has been some improvement of my technical skill, its no where near the improvement I should have made. This in itself is not much of an issue - I just need to DRAW MOAR and get better right? I know this...

The problem is for the past three or so years I've been a bit of a walking zombie on the outside, but on the inside my artistic ideas have been developing away as you would expect. This has lead me to the point where I have ideas that I have absolutely no way of actually expressing. I mean - I'm aware the solution is still the same, I just have to keep practicing until my technical ability catches up with my brain (that runs at crazy speeds anyway due to my ADD), but man its so frustrating!

Going back to my original question - I was just wondering if anyone else has had that problem, and how they dealt with it?

This all being said, I did try to get back into the swing of being creative last night. I reinstalled Photoshop, whacked on "For You" by Wolfsheim, (which by the way, is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard) and tried to draw some of the emotion that song pulls out of me. I couldn't finish the piece - it just isn't complete and I'm not sure how to finish it - but I might stash it in scraps. We shall see.

I adore that song - its beautiful, but its a little too like how I'm feeling right now. I've been angry at someone for a long time now, someone I didn't want to be angry at - I wanted to forgive them completely and I've been trying as hard as I could to manage it. And then yesterday? Something clicked and all the anger vanished - I'm sad that it ever happened but... that's it.

The only problem is, that's it. All the anger is gone, but so is all the fondness, all the love... its all been replaced with regret at what happened. Now what I'm worried about is whether this is part of the process of forgiveness or has the damage been done? Will the happy feelings come back again or have I lost something that was so dear to me?

Oh well - I feel I have rambled on enough here. I hope you'll excuse my random musings

-Nomi